Dream

The whole world has gone insane. How else can you explain such vile remarks and attacks on my integrity from all and sundry? They don’t know they are targeting a saint like me. The developments over past few months have pained me a lot to say the least.

Once upon a time the critics called Mrs. Indira Gandhi “gungi gudiya” for her alleged inability to give rousing speeches while addressing public gatherings. I am aware of the whisper campaign currently underway that describes such an honorable man like me as “gunga guda” for my deep and contemplative silence.

After all, what is there to speak? Kapil ji, Chidambaram ji, and Digvijay ji are all the time speaking. Sometimes they bribe my peon to steal the print-outs of my speeches and  replace them with the blank A4 papers. Then they shamelessly learn these speeches by heart only to reproduce them verbatim in the TV studios much to the dismay of my spin doctors who so painfully write my speeches.

All these underhand techniques of my cabinet and party colleagues have forced me into such a remorseful silence that the whole world is heaping scorn on me. I know that my integrity is beyond reproach. The scams have been around even before my premiership. It is not that all the scams have taken place during my tenure contrary to the impression that has gained ground.

I have always made it clear that I have nothing to hide. That I am ready for any debate on the floor of parliament. That I am all for the impartial inquiry of my roles into various scams that have unfortunately tumbled out of closets during the UPA regime.

The opposition has been baying for my blood. My own cabinet colleagues are giving contradictory statements with a view to pushing me out of Madam’s good books. The social media too is trying its best to create social unrest. Whoever is making life difficult for me doesn’t know that I am the best PM the country has seen till date.

To bolster my claim, here are a few achievements. I have put the Tihar Jail on the global map. Various scams with mind numbing zeros have flourished under my premiership. All this has contributed towards many Indians becoming multimillionaires to adore the cover page of the Forbes magazine. The list is endless. I can go on and on.

The media is the direct beneficiary of all the shenanigans that have taken place during my tenure. Thanks to all the scams and communal unrest in the recent past, the media has witnessed a steady growth in its circulation, TRPs and revenues over a period of time. Poor western media – buoyed by recession – cannot see its Indian counterparts doing so well.

This is precisely why they target me thinking it will bring a turn around in their fortunes. The Time cover-page was not only silly but also in a poor taste. Nobody (here or abroad) was impressed with the lousy job Time did. Instead of me losing my (already lost) reputation, it was Time that ended up damaging its own reputation.

This western press or media doesn’t like to learn from its own mistakes. Now as I write this diary, the Washington Post seems to have shot itself in the foot by calling such a man of fine repute like yours truly as a tragic figure who has fallen from grace. Can there be anything more comic than these juvenile observations?

The scribe Mr. Simon Denyer himself is a tragic figure since all those gentlemen he has spoken to before doing this piece on me have royally taken him for a jolly ride. Poor Simon Denyer doesn’t seem to understand that without grasping the local political permutations and combinations and equations if you sit down to write something as serious as that, your sources and facts tend to get all mixed up making you look like a tragic figure in the end.

The learned gentleman has little idea that my government and the party boast of years of experience in blaming on poor “foreign hand” everything that happens in this country. Then how can this foreign hand (scribe) come back to haunt me? I am really having the last laugh now.

Before I slip back into my preferred silence mode, one word of caution for Ambika ji who has been demanding an apology from Mr. Denyer who merely did as he was asked to do. She doesn’t know that my favourite film is Yash Chopra directed super-hit “Deewar”.

To quote the famous line from my all time favourite Deewar, “First go and get the signature of that person who inked on my hand that my father is a thief”, I think in view of the ongoing predicament, it would be more appropriate if first she went and got Madam’s apology for having listened to her inner-voice way back in 2004. While she is at it, she might as well go to the voters who voted UPA to power to get their apologies.

So many apologies are required. Whatever is happening is politically motivated for which as usual a foreign hand is to be blamed. Since I am not to be blamed for anything, please offer your unconditional apologies.