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Posts Tagged ‘Self-indulgence

The whole world has gone insane. How else can you explain such vile remarks and attacks on my integrity from all and sundry? They don’t know they are targeting a saint like me. The developments over past few months have pained me a lot to say the least.

Once upon a time the critics called Mrs. Indira Gandhi “gungi gudiya” for her alleged inability to give rousing speeches while addressing public gatherings. I am aware of the whisper campaign currently underway that describes such an honorable man like me as “gunga guda” for my deep and contemplative silence.

After all, what is there to speak? Kapil ji, Chidambaram ji, and Digvijay ji are all the time speaking. Sometimes they bribe my peon to steal the print-outs of my speeches and  replace them with the blank A4 papers. Then they shamelessly learn these speeches by heart only to reproduce them verbatim in the TV studios much to the dismay of my spin doctors who so painfully write my speeches.

All these underhand techniques of my cabinet and party colleagues have forced me into such a remorseful silence that the whole world is heaping scorn on me. I know that my integrity is beyond reproach. The scams have been around even before my premiership. It is not that all the scams have taken place during my tenure contrary to the impression that has gained ground.

I have always made it clear that I have nothing to hide. That I am ready for any debate on the floor of parliament. That I am all for the impartial inquiry of my roles into various scams that have unfortunately tumbled out of closets during the UPA regime.

The opposition has been baying for my blood. My own cabinet colleagues are giving contradictory statements with a view to pushing me out of Madam’s good books. The social media too is trying its best to create social unrest. Whoever is making life difficult for me doesn’t know that I am the best PM the country has seen till date.

To bolster my claim, here are a few achievements. I have put the Tihar Jail on the global map. Various scams with mind numbing zeros have flourished under my premiership. All this has contributed towards many Indians becoming multimillionaires to adore the cover page of the Forbes magazine. The list is endless. I can go on and on.

The media is the direct beneficiary of all the shenanigans that have taken place during my tenure. Thanks to all the scams and communal unrest in the recent past, the media has witnessed a steady growth in its circulation, TRPs and revenues over a period of time. Poor western media – buoyed by recession – cannot see its Indian counterparts doing so well.

This is precisely why they target me thinking it will bring a turn around in their fortunes. The Time cover-page was not only silly but also in a poor taste. Nobody (here or abroad) was impressed with the lousy job Time did. Instead of me losing my (already lost) reputation, it was Time that ended up damaging its own reputation.

This western press or media doesn’t like to learn from its own mistakes. Now as I write this diary, the Washington Post seems to have shot itself in the foot by calling such a man of fine repute like yours truly as a tragic figure who has fallen from grace. Can there be anything more comic than these juvenile observations?

The scribe Mr. Simon Denyer himself is a tragic figure since all those gentlemen he has spoken to before doing this piece on me have royally taken him for a jolly ride. Poor Simon Denyer doesn’t seem to understand that without grasping the local political permutations and combinations and equations if you sit down to write something as serious as that, your sources and facts tend to get all mixed up making you look like a tragic figure in the end.

The learned gentleman has little idea that my government and the party boast of years of experience in blaming on poor “foreign hand” everything that happens in this country. Then how can this foreign hand (scribe) come back to haunt me? I am really having the last laugh now.

Before I slip back into my preferred silence mode, one word of caution for Ambika ji who has been demanding an apology from Mr. Denyer who merely did as he was asked to do. She doesn’t know that my favourite film is Yash Chopra directed super-hit “Deewar”.

To quote the famous line from my all time favourite Deewar, “First go and get the signature of that person who inked on my hand that my father is a thief”, I think in view of the ongoing predicament, it would be more appropriate if first she went and got Madam’s apology for having listened to her inner-voice way back in 2004. While she is at it, she might as well go to the voters who voted UPA to power to get their apologies.

So many apologies are required. Whatever is happening is politically motivated for which as usual a foreign hand is to be blamed. Since I am not to be blamed for anything, please offer your unconditional apologies.

 

 

 

 

We live in stranger times. Socializing on the social networking sites has sadly become all about poking fun at politicians, leaders, film-actors, cricketers, journalists and certain communities.

There’s a parallel universe called Twitter. The inhabitants of this universe are fondly known as tweeple or tweeps. What do these tweeps do? Most of the times they express their ideas on the current affairs. For example:-

  • Narendra Modi should be the next prime minister of India.
  • MMS is taking the country back to the stone age.
  • Team Anna is misguided and its intentions are not noble.
  • Satyameva Jayate is a money making exercise for the actor-turned-crusader Aamir Khan.
  • Shah Rukh Khan is a drug addict who has got an attitude problem.
  • Jr. Mallya is a rich brat with shaky morals who has no right to lecture how the future wives should behave.
  • Sachin Tendulkar should not become the Rajya Sabha MP under this corrupt government.

The list is endless. Hankering after the number of followers, Re-tweets and celebrity bashing are the main objectives. Everyday some or other famous personality becomes the butt of ridicule and victim of endless silly jokes lampooning him or her.

What does all this mean? What do these tweeps gain? Except a few new followers, Re-tweets and ego satisfaction there’s hardly anything else that they may gain.

The more intriguing aspect of this parallel universe is almost every famous person is a villain. It is as if we forget the fact that in the first place it is we the people who have made that person famous. Then why should we have any ill-will feelings towards that famous person aka celebrity?

Today Twitter verified Sagarika Ghose’s account and the entire twitterverse rose up in arms against her. Soon all kinds of jokes lampooning poor Sagarika began to do the rounds on twitter.

What happens when Twitter verifies your account? It is a sign of the fact that you’ve arrived on Twitter. The symbol that one’s Twitter account is verified is something akin to the MP’s car with a red beacon atop. It signifies that you are a VIP on Twitter, and nothing else.

Sagarika Ghose is one of the high profile journalists with quite a good number of followers on Twitter. If Twitter has deemed it fit to verify her account and bless it with that prestigious symbol of verified next to her name on her Twitter page, what’s the big deal?

What will happen when the favourite whipping boy of Twitter Kamaal R Khan’s account gets verified? Will the humour cross all the limits? How will tweeps deal with the not-so-politically-correct tweets emanating from the verified account of Kamaal R Khan?

One also shudders at the thought what will happen when Narendra Modi becomes the prime minister of India? How will the Modi brigade celebrate that occasion on Twitter? Maybe by blocking every anti-Modi tweeple?

There’s a clear cut divide along the caste and religion lines in the country. Some people object to the very term ‘secular’ which according to them has come to mean the appeasement of minorities. There are many people who  don’t like Muslims.

In this age of social media what is scarier is the fact that now people are spiting venom against Muslims openly. Nobody can see their faces since they’re tweeting from the safe cocoons of their houses and therefore they don’t mind expressing their hatred against Muslims without any reservations.

Is so much freedom of expression vis-a-vis Twitter or Facebook a bane or a boon? Another recent example that comes to mind is a tweet from someone whom I’ve come to hugely admire and respect on Twitter.

Mr. Kanchan Gupta is a well-known media personality and when he tweeted, “Mumbaikars: How tough is it for Muslims to find flats? True or part of fake victimhood narrative?” He was referring to an article published in The Hindu dated 03/06/2012. This tweet drew a sharp response from Mrs. Atiya Zaidi and soon there were heated arguments between the two idols whose tweets I immensely enjoy.

The Twitter is a perfect barometer to know which way the wind is blowing. It’s depressing to know that the Muslims are disliked so much and even more depressing is to know that nowadays people are expressing it on public forums. Why and how has the gulf between the two communities become so wide all of a sudden?

When the members of intelligentsia become so vocal about their dislike of a particular community, what hopes or expectations can one have from the common men? Twitter opens our eyes to a scary reality if not addressed properly on time, nobody can complain that there were no warning signals.

May the peace prevail forever. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shah Rukh Khan is an undisputed king. This Badshah of Bollywood has got an uncanny knack of hogging the media spotlight by getting into controversies. His IPL team KKR is on fire in the current season and has emerged as one of the hot-favourites to claim the title of the champions.

Well, but Shah Rukh Khan is an actor. Acting is his sole forte. Since he is an entrepreneur, he has made his foray into the sports arena. Of late the magic of Shah Rukh Khan on the celluloid appears to be on the wane. The rival Khans have outsmarted him and now in the race of Number One they’ve left him far behind. The latest salvo is from the Aamir Khan camp in the form of a much-talked reality TV show “Satyameva Jayate”.

Obviously these latest developments have left the King Khan scratching his head. The crown is in danger of either falling off or being snatched away. His insecurity has begun to manifest itself in various ways. In the recent past he has got himself involved in a couple of scuffles. In one incident he had allegedly given a tight slap to the  poor Shirish Kunder. And in the latest incident he has bravely taken on the cops of Mumbai at the Wankhede stadium.

The allegations of Shah Rukh in inebriated condition at the stadium have flying thick and fast although the actor had categorically denied them. The million dollar question is why does Shah Rukh Khan get angry? Why is the King Khan so temperamental? What makes the Badshah of Bollywood so controversial? Has all these recent incidents of his public display of machoism got something to do with his failing charisma on the celluloid?

The competition is cut-throat in the film industry. It’s a high pressure job where every Friday determines your present status and the rightful place in the hierarchy. It is a snake and ladder game where a wrong throw of dice can plunge you into the depth of despair. In such a scenario, he seems to be making a bold statement through his off-screen actions.

By taking on the mighty cops of Mumbai in front of cameras, he has sent out a strong signal to his detractors and competitors alike. The message is “I am the King Khan and I will be back with a bang. You can keep me down for a while. But you cannot throw me out forever.” Otherwise how else can you explain his stand on the manhandling of little girls by the policemen on duty at the stadium?

He seems to have killed two birds with one stone. Aamir Khan took up the issue of the female infanticide in the inaugural episode of “Satyameva Jayte” and got the whole world talking about it. Shah Rukh soon realised that the issue of girl child is an emotive one that has tremendous potential to whip up the frenzy and hysteria. Which is why he highlighted in no uncertain terms that he was only trying to rescue the young girls from the clutches of the evil men (and thereby professing his unconditional love for the girl child).

Secondly, by taking on the men in uniform he was sounding a warning bell to Salman Khan aka Bodyguard who is all set to take the world by storm with his upcoming Ek Tha Tiger. The message for Sallubhai was it is no use acting Bodyguard or tiger on screen if in real life you’re scared of flexing your muscles. Whether both these Khans will get the messages through these actions or not remains to be seen. The fact is Shah Rukh Khan is likely to face a life-ban on his entry into the Wankhede stadium.

But the King Khan is too smart to care for such bans. He will pull a few strings in the capital and have the whole issue hushed up. Nobody will be surprised when the story of the matter between him and the cops having been amicably sorted out breaks before the IPL final complete with the pictures of the King Khan giving a big beer hug to all the policemen present on that fateful evening at Wankhede.

As they say, “As in cricket, class is permanent and form is temporary so in stardom controversies are permanent and charisma is slippery.” Are we witnessing the end of an era for the King Khan?

 

 

The Bangaloreans are in for a treat today. It has been raining in Bangalore. What a pleasant weather the rains have brought along with them! Can it get any better than this? Perhaps no. Till yesterday it had been hot and humid. The sun was harsh. But today it has gone missing somewhere behind the dark clouds that have been looming large above Bangalore.

To add to the charm further, the cool wind is blowing. The tiny drops of rains are feeling so cold against the body that there’s a palpable relief on the face of every Bangalorean who has been braving the heat and humidity for over past month now. Every Bangalorean is expressing joy at the unexpected yet much needed rains and are doing whatever they can to welcome them with open arms.

Nobody is ruing the fact that the rains may not allow the game between RCB and CSK at Chinnaswamy Stadium. The happiness that is pouring through the rains is far greater than fours and sixes a Gayle innings might induce. There are puddles everywhere. Everybody wants a slice of this perfect weather. This is why one can see people out on the roads and streets.

The traffic is at its peak as usual. But the cold weather has miraculously calmed down the hot tempers the motorists usually subject themselves to. There is smile everywhere. The relief is in the air as the Bangaloreans bite into the the tempting looking ice-cream cups or sip the smoking hot cups of coffee while exchanging familiar nudge-nudge wink-wink glances at one another.

Everybody wants the rains to stay as long as they want to so that the earth reeling under the brutal sun can quench her thirst. The household fans are taking much needed break with their blades having grown tired of manufacturing air for their masters. The ACs have fallen silent as the windows are open and they are attracting cool breeze along with untamed drops of rains.

The rains, the dark clouds and the wind – if put together – can be a deadly combination for those who want to relax and have a good time. Their combined effect has never felt so enchanting as this before. Long live Bangalore weather for having cheered us up with these heavenly drops of rains.

 

There are many talented heroines around. The show business is one such cruel business that demands one’s pound of flesh day in and day out. Nowadays it is becoming increasingly difficult for the celebs to remain in the limelight with so many juicy stories making their way into the Breaking News category.

Considering all the challenges apart from pros and cons of being a public figure, there is one celebrity who has managed to keep her head above the water. She is the very bold and beautiful, one and only Bhairavi Goswami. Recently she has been in the news following the release of her latest erotic thriller “Hate Story”. My respect for her is growing by day as I go through the retweets after retweets admiring her boldness complete with the references to the certain parts of the female anatomy.

Bhairavi Goswami has what it takes to be. She has the looks to kill and the loads of attitude – enough to convince anybody that she is a down to earth sex bomb who won’t turn her  nose up at the mention of the unmentionable body parts. She has no double standards or holier-than-thou approach when it comes to the oomph factor. Therefore it is not surprising to see the list of her admirers growing by the day.

The most outstanding quality of Bhairavi Goswami’s charisma is her ability to connect to the masses without coming across as someone who is fake and does what she’s doing for the sake of publicity. There’s pure sincerity in whatever she does be it rewarding the fans by retweeting their tweets or sharing her pictures to create excitement. At no point of time one gets the impression that she is promoting herself or her upcoming films.

The reason for such positive vibes is she believes in entertaining the masses without any artificial barriers. She reaches out to the fans in a more direct way so as to leave them delighted beyond words. All her contemporaries should learn a few tricks from her book with respect to the PR vis-a-vis the subtle art of self-promotion.

Her bio reads that Bhairavi is uncut, unedited and unapologetic. Now rarely there is anybody who carries all these three attributes with as much panache as Bhairavi does. There is a very thin line between being bold and being vulgar. Bhairavi knows not to cross that line with the caution of a seasoned professional. There have been many heroines in the past who had earned the sobriquets like “Sex Bomb” and “Sex Symbol”. But none of them has been able to carry them off so well as Bhairavi does.

She has become the hottie with a golden heart within no time. After Zeenat Aman and Mandakini, India had been in search of a genuine sex symbol. In between the likes of Bipashas and Mallikas came and went. None of them could capture the imagination of the entire nation for a long time. For a brief period of time, Rakhi Sawant tried to flirt her way into the nation’s consciousness. But the fans could see through her cheap gimmicks and soon she ended up as the butt of ridicule.

But Bhairavi Goswami is here to stay. What makes her tick (apart from her killer looks) is her pragmatic approach to handle her stardom in a balanced manner. She is always well-behaved. Hardly you come across fans complaining about her tantrums or mood swings. She has been gifted with a very understanding temperament that helps her keep her  feet on the ground. She knows the fame is transient. She ought to make the most of it as long as it lasts.

Perhaps this is what explains her calm and mature responses to the fans’ admiration for her body bordering on lust. She is aware of her USP and that’s why she wants to flaunt it boldly. Lest her fans should  be under the impression that their “Dream Girl” exists only on the celluloid that in turn exists in the darkness of the multiplexes or cinema halls. Once they step out, she is like the dream that evaporated when the eyes opened. She knows that she has successfully become the Dream Girl but the challenge is not to give away that coveted place to any of her competitors.

She is on the right path. India is mature enough to admire and appreciate the strategy of self-promotion Bhairavi Goswami has adopted. As long as she keeps her head on her shoulder, she will grown only from strength to strength. That’s Bhairavi Goswami for you – the uncut, unedited and unapologetic.

This is the time when everybody wants to prop up his or her candidate for the post of the President of India. Although this is not the most powerful post in the Indian polity, every political party wants to install their man at the helm so that when the time comes, he can return the favour.

Many out-of-work politicians throw their hats in the ring. Before they fade into the oblivion, they want to try their luck at the shot of immortality that the post of the Prez tends to offer. Having said that there are many politicians who would like to have a young President this time around who is not necessarily from the political background. The J&K CM tweeted earlier in the day to convey this message.

Now if this were to really happen, who fits the bill? India is a young country, and; the young generation would love to have a young President if given a chance. The President should be someone who is always in the news for the bold decision he takes and thereby controversies that he generates. At any given point of time half a dozen OB vans belonging to various media houses ought to be stationed outside the official residence of the Prez awaiting breaking news or some juicy stories.

Who can call a spade a spade and cope up with the pulls and pressures that are such an integral part of the life after occupying the chair of the President? Well, there is only one brave heart who can set a new precedent by becoming the President of India. That person is none other than Mr. Lalit Modi.

Mr. Lalit Modi needs no introduction. The whole world knows him. The politicians cutting across the party lines swear by his popularity. He has forever changed the face of cricket by launching the IPL and introducing the concept of franchising into the much loved sport of this country. Who can forget the initial shock waves generated by the auction of big cricketers?

If he becomes the President of India, the first thing he will do is introduce the same concept of franchising into the politics as well. Unlike IPL, this political franchises will have state wise teams. This means the number of Indian states will equal the number of political teams. Each team will be known by the name of the state it represents and not by the name the respective franchise owners choose for their respective teams.Each team will comprise of twenty five politicians from the state the team comes. International politicians will not be allowed to be a part of any team.

Imagine the high profile politicians owned by the Tatas, Birlas, Ambanis,  Khans, Adanis and Mittals of this country. Their job will be to legislate maximum laws favouring their masters. If any politicians fail to do so, his owner has every right to discard him or her before the next general elections that take place every five years.

The official residence of the President boasts of a palatial bungalow that never sees much partying or flurry of guests. But with Mr. Lalit Modi at the helm the bungalow will see as many parties as possible. After the grueling day at the Parliament he would love to relax amidst young and bubbly cheerleaders from across the country. All the franchise owners too will gather there and have a good time by socialising with one another over free flow of liquor with the liquor baron Mr. Vijay Mallya promising to provide unlimited supply of all his famous brands of whiskey and beer.

All his detractors will flee the country and live in exile when he becomes the  President. But Mr. Lalit Modi won’t indulge in any kind of political vendetta. On the other hand, he will pursue them to return to the country by rolling a red carpet upon their arrival. Mr. Modi is a kind soul who wants every human being on earth to prosper and enjoy. This is precisely why he gifted IPL to his countrymen by bringing together players, coaches and commentators from across the world.

Similarly he will bring together the politicians of all hues and cries by promising them mega bucks from their respective owners. This will foster a lot of healthy competition amongst the politicians as their prices and selection will depend purely on their performances, and not on any kind of muscle power. The party high command culture will make way for the board-room kind of culture as “shape-up-or-ship-out” will be the only motto that will come to determine the worth and usefulness of any politician worth his salt.

Finally the biggest advantage or disadvantage (depending upon the way you look at it) of Mr. Lalit Modi becoming the President of India will be that Narendra Modi will have to wait few more years to stake his claim to become the prime minister since two Modis at the helm will send out wrong signals and their common last names will create a lot of confusion amongst the visiting foreign dignitaries.

This means one Modi’s gain is another Modi’s loss. But all said and done Mr. Lalit Modi is the one man who can bring much needed glamour to the post of the President of India which it lacks as of now.

 

 

Vijay Mallya must be a relieved man. Employees of Kingfisher Airlines must be more relieved than Mallya. Poor Vijay Mallya has been going through tough times of late following Deepika Padukone’s unceremonious dumping of Sidharth Mallya a few months back. More than the jilted lover his father suffered a blow and poor employees of Kingfisher Airlines had to pay the price.

So many jokes have been doing the round about the beleaguered Mallya and his almost defunct airlines. Sometimes Mallya himself adds fuel to the fire by blaming his woes on the malice of paid news. The king of good times has been at the receiving end. This is why perhaps he chose to settle the issue of pending salaries of the employees of Kingfisher Airlines on the eve of the fifth season of much-awaited IPL.

Perhaps Vijay Mallya is aware that his beer guzzling images with arm candies leaning on his side while he is watching his team play at various venues across the country is bound to provide gist to the rumour mills. All sorts of allegations are sure to fly thick and fast. He will come under increasing media scrutiny and become the butt of ridicule on various social networking sites. To avoid all this he has done the most sensible thing by declaring his plan to pay off the salaries in two phases.

Whether the harried employees receive the promised pending salaries or not remains to be soon. But at the moment guns have fallen silent and the focus is slowly shifting on to the IPL 5 and Vijay Mallya owned Royal Challengers.

We are an entertainment loving nation. We get a kick out of poking fun at famous and successful people. It’s not that we don’t like successful people or we are jealous of their popularity. When someone who is larger than life errs or does something that he or she is not supposed to do, all knives come out baying for his or her blood.

Nobody can replace Suhel Sheth when it comes to taking pot shots at politicians or anything under the sun for that matter on the television. He is a fearless orator who believes in calling a spade a spade. There are very few courageous speakers like him. This is why every channel loves to have him on their show. He brings to the table that power packed punch required to add to the oomph factor in the debates that take place in the television studios.

Suhel Seth is a delight to watch when he is in his elements. There’s no stopping him when he starts speaking. His famous catch phrase includes, “Iss hamam mein sub nange hai” that brings smile to the lips of viewers, anchors and participants alike. But then there are his detractors who want Suhel Seth out of their ear shots. He doesn’t spare anyone when it comes to standing up and taking the stand. Therefore, it is natural for such a person to have enemies.

We may not like what Suhel Seth does or says on television. We may not agree with him all the time. We may not like Vijay Mallya’s flamboyancy and the reports of such a rich man not paying his employees’ salaries on time may be disturbing to us. But why do we have to poke fun at them? They are mortar beings with their flaws. Can’t we take a look at their achievements and give them the benefits of doubts for a while before jumping to the conclusions?

All these big people are made up of different stuff. When the going gets tough, the tough get going is the mantra they believe in. Both Suhel Seth and Vijay Mallya may be in their early fifties. What makes them easy targets of people’s ire is their swashbuckling life styles not withstanding their respective ages. But when you have scaled those high peaks of dizzying heights, do you really care enough?

Whether people shower their adulation on Vijay Mallya and Suhel Seth or make fun of their accents, hair styles and the way they dress up not to mention things they say in public, they will keep bouncing back. Whether we love them or hate them, we cannot ignore them. That’s Vijay Mallya and Suhel Seth for you. The show must go on.


Wow....!!! This Much Love.....!!!!

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