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Posts Tagged ‘Bakwas

We live in stranger times. Socializing on the social networking sites has sadly become all about poking fun at politicians, leaders, film-actors, cricketers, journalists and certain communities.

There’s a parallel universe called Twitter. The inhabitants of this universe are fondly known as tweeple or tweeps. What do these tweeps do? Most of the times they express their ideas on the current affairs. For example:-

  • Narendra Modi should be the next prime minister of India.
  • MMS is taking the country back to the stone age.
  • Team Anna is misguided and its intentions are not noble.
  • Satyameva Jayate is a money making exercise for the actor-turned-crusader Aamir Khan.
  • Shah Rukh Khan is a drug addict who has got an attitude problem.
  • Jr. Mallya is a rich brat with shaky morals who has no right to lecture how the future wives should behave.
  • Sachin Tendulkar should not become the Rajya Sabha MP under this corrupt government.

The list is endless. Hankering after the number of followers, Re-tweets and celebrity bashing are the main objectives. Everyday some or other famous personality becomes the butt of ridicule and victim of endless silly jokes lampooning him or her.

What does all this mean? What do these tweeps gain? Except a few new followers, Re-tweets and ego satisfaction there’s hardly anything else that they may gain.

The more intriguing aspect of this parallel universe is almost every famous person is a villain. It is as if we forget the fact that in the first place it is we the people who have made that person famous. Then why should we have any ill-will feelings towards that famous person aka celebrity?

Today Twitter verified Sagarika Ghose’s account and the entire twitterverse rose up in arms against her. Soon all kinds of jokes lampooning poor Sagarika began to do the rounds on twitter.

What happens when Twitter verifies your account? It is a sign of the fact that you’ve arrived on Twitter. The symbol that one’s Twitter account is verified is something akin to the MP’s car with a red beacon atop. It signifies that you are a VIP on Twitter, and nothing else.

Sagarika Ghose is one of the high profile journalists with quite a good number of followers on Twitter. If Twitter has deemed it fit to verify her account and bless it with that prestigious symbol of verified next to her name on her Twitter page, what’s the big deal?

What will happen when the favourite whipping boy of Twitter Kamaal R Khan’s account gets verified? Will the humour cross all the limits? How will tweeps deal with the not-so-politically-correct tweets emanating from the verified account of Kamaal R Khan?

One also shudders at the thought what will happen when Narendra Modi becomes the prime minister of India? How will the Modi brigade celebrate that occasion on Twitter? Maybe by blocking every anti-Modi tweeple?

There’s a clear cut divide along the caste and religion lines in the country. Some people object to the very term ‘secular’ which according to them has come to mean the appeasement of minorities. There are many people who  don’t like Muslims.

In this age of social media what is scarier is the fact that now people are spiting venom against Muslims openly. Nobody can see their faces since they’re tweeting from the safe cocoons of their houses and therefore they don’t mind expressing their hatred against Muslims without any reservations.

Is so much freedom of expression vis-a-vis Twitter or Facebook a bane or a boon? Another recent example that comes to mind is a tweet from someone whom I’ve come to hugely admire and respect on Twitter.

Mr. Kanchan Gupta is a well-known media personality and when he tweeted, “Mumbaikars: How tough is it for Muslims to find flats? True or part of fake victimhood narrative?” He was referring to an article published in The Hindu dated 03/06/2012. This tweet drew a sharp response from Mrs. Atiya Zaidi and soon there were heated arguments between the two idols whose tweets I immensely enjoy.

The Twitter is a perfect barometer to know which way the wind is blowing. It’s depressing to know that the Muslims are disliked so much and even more depressing is to know that nowadays people are expressing it on public forums. Why and how has the gulf between the two communities become so wide all of a sudden?

When the members of intelligentsia become so vocal about their dislike of a particular community, what hopes or expectations can one have from the common men? Twitter opens our eyes to a scary reality if not addressed properly on time, nobody can complain that there were no warning signals.

May the peace prevail forever. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shah Rukh Khan is an undisputed king. This Badshah of Bollywood has got an uncanny knack of hogging the media spotlight by getting into controversies. His IPL team KKR is on fire in the current season and has emerged as one of the hot-favourites to claim the title of the champions.

Well, but Shah Rukh Khan is an actor. Acting is his sole forte. Since he is an entrepreneur, he has made his foray into the sports arena. Of late the magic of Shah Rukh Khan on the celluloid appears to be on the wane. The rival Khans have outsmarted him and now in the race of Number One they’ve left him far behind. The latest salvo is from the Aamir Khan camp in the form of a much-talked reality TV show “Satyameva Jayate”.

Obviously these latest developments have left the King Khan scratching his head. The crown is in danger of either falling off or being snatched away. His insecurity has begun to manifest itself in various ways. In the recent past he has got himself involved in a couple of scuffles. In one incident he had allegedly given a tight slap to the  poor Shirish Kunder. And in the latest incident he has bravely taken on the cops of Mumbai at the Wankhede stadium.

The allegations of Shah Rukh in inebriated condition at the stadium have flying thick and fast although the actor had categorically denied them. The million dollar question is why does Shah Rukh Khan get angry? Why is the King Khan so temperamental? What makes the Badshah of Bollywood so controversial? Has all these recent incidents of his public display of machoism got something to do with his failing charisma on the celluloid?

The competition is cut-throat in the film industry. It’s a high pressure job where every Friday determines your present status and the rightful place in the hierarchy. It is a snake and ladder game where a wrong throw of dice can plunge you into the depth of despair. In such a scenario, he seems to be making a bold statement through his off-screen actions.

By taking on the mighty cops of Mumbai in front of cameras, he has sent out a strong signal to his detractors and competitors alike. The message is “I am the King Khan and I will be back with a bang. You can keep me down for a while. But you cannot throw me out forever.” Otherwise how else can you explain his stand on the manhandling of little girls by the policemen on duty at the stadium?

He seems to have killed two birds with one stone. Aamir Khan took up the issue of the female infanticide in the inaugural episode of “Satyameva Jayte” and got the whole world talking about it. Shah Rukh soon realised that the issue of girl child is an emotive one that has tremendous potential to whip up the frenzy and hysteria. Which is why he highlighted in no uncertain terms that he was only trying to rescue the young girls from the clutches of the evil men (and thereby professing his unconditional love for the girl child).

Secondly, by taking on the men in uniform he was sounding a warning bell to Salman Khan aka Bodyguard who is all set to take the world by storm with his upcoming Ek Tha Tiger. The message for Sallubhai was it is no use acting Bodyguard or tiger on screen if in real life you’re scared of flexing your muscles. Whether both these Khans will get the messages through these actions or not remains to be seen. The fact is Shah Rukh Khan is likely to face a life-ban on his entry into the Wankhede stadium.

But the King Khan is too smart to care for such bans. He will pull a few strings in the capital and have the whole issue hushed up. Nobody will be surprised when the story of the matter between him and the cops having been amicably sorted out breaks before the IPL final complete with the pictures of the King Khan giving a big beer hug to all the policemen present on that fateful evening at Wankhede.

As they say, “As in cricket, class is permanent and form is temporary so in stardom controversies are permanent and charisma is slippery.” Are we witnessing the end of an era for the King Khan?

 

 

This is the time when everybody wants to prop up his or her candidate for the post of the President of India. Although this is not the most powerful post in the Indian polity, every political party wants to install their man at the helm so that when the time comes, he can return the favour.

Many out-of-work politicians throw their hats in the ring. Before they fade into the oblivion, they want to try their luck at the shot of immortality that the post of the Prez tends to offer. Having said that there are many politicians who would like to have a young President this time around who is not necessarily from the political background. The J&K CM tweeted earlier in the day to convey this message.

Now if this were to really happen, who fits the bill? India is a young country, and; the young generation would love to have a young President if given a chance. The President should be someone who is always in the news for the bold decision he takes and thereby controversies that he generates. At any given point of time half a dozen OB vans belonging to various media houses ought to be stationed outside the official residence of the Prez awaiting breaking news or some juicy stories.

Who can call a spade a spade and cope up with the pulls and pressures that are such an integral part of the life after occupying the chair of the President? Well, there is only one brave heart who can set a new precedent by becoming the President of India. That person is none other than Mr. Lalit Modi.

Mr. Lalit Modi needs no introduction. The whole world knows him. The politicians cutting across the party lines swear by his popularity. He has forever changed the face of cricket by launching the IPL and introducing the concept of franchising into the much loved sport of this country. Who can forget the initial shock waves generated by the auction of big cricketers?

If he becomes the President of India, the first thing he will do is introduce the same concept of franchising into the politics as well. Unlike IPL, this political franchises will have state wise teams. This means the number of Indian states will equal the number of political teams. Each team will be known by the name of the state it represents and not by the name the respective franchise owners choose for their respective teams.Each team will comprise of twenty five politicians from the state the team comes. International politicians will not be allowed to be a part of any team.

Imagine the high profile politicians owned by the Tatas, Birlas, Ambanis,  Khans, Adanis and Mittals of this country. Their job will be to legislate maximum laws favouring their masters. If any politicians fail to do so, his owner has every right to discard him or her before the next general elections that take place every five years.

The official residence of the President boasts of a palatial bungalow that never sees much partying or flurry of guests. But with Mr. Lalit Modi at the helm the bungalow will see as many parties as possible. After the grueling day at the Parliament he would love to relax amidst young and bubbly cheerleaders from across the country. All the franchise owners too will gather there and have a good time by socialising with one another over free flow of liquor with the liquor baron Mr. Vijay Mallya promising to provide unlimited supply of all his famous brands of whiskey and beer.

All his detractors will flee the country and live in exile when he becomes the  President. But Mr. Lalit Modi won’t indulge in any kind of political vendetta. On the other hand, he will pursue them to return to the country by rolling a red carpet upon their arrival. Mr. Modi is a kind soul who wants every human being on earth to prosper and enjoy. This is precisely why he gifted IPL to his countrymen by bringing together players, coaches and commentators from across the world.

Similarly he will bring together the politicians of all hues and cries by promising them mega bucks from their respective owners. This will foster a lot of healthy competition amongst the politicians as their prices and selection will depend purely on their performances, and not on any kind of muscle power. The party high command culture will make way for the board-room kind of culture as “shape-up-or-ship-out” will be the only motto that will come to determine the worth and usefulness of any politician worth his salt.

Finally the biggest advantage or disadvantage (depending upon the way you look at it) of Mr. Lalit Modi becoming the President of India will be that Narendra Modi will have to wait few more years to stake his claim to become the prime minister since two Modis at the helm will send out wrong signals and their common last names will create a lot of confusion amongst the visiting foreign dignitaries.

This means one Modi’s gain is another Modi’s loss. But all said and done Mr. Lalit Modi is the one man who can bring much needed glamour to the post of the President of India which it lacks as of now.

 

 

“The Dirty Picture” – as the title suggests – is not dirty at all. On the other hand, it depicts the harsh realities and certain subtle take home messages on how to strike it big by using the beautiful body if you happen to be a girl from nowhere with big dreams.

The central character played by talented Vidya Balan won the prestigious National Award for her convincing portrayal of a girl who uses her body to get on to the top of male-dominated film industry.

The flick did extremely well at the box office. But The Dirty Picture was slowly fading from the memory when the I&B Ministry decided to throw its weight to make it an even bigger bioepic than it has been being touted by its maker.

The biggest irony of the day is that the government has decided to play the moral police by stalling the telecast of The Dirty Picture during the day time. The Sony channel can telecast this flick when the young children have gone to bed.

The scantily dressed cheerleaders can dance during day time at the cricket stadium. But the children are likely to remain unaffected since their concentration is going to be only on their favourite cricketers. They hardly take their eyes off the middle out there when the game is in progress.

But when it comes to The Dirty Picture, Vidya Balan’s sexy body will induce all sorts of devilish thoughts into the young children’s minds. Therefore it is only apt that the telecast takes place only after the kids are tucked away in the beds and snoring away to glory.

This is a very nice decision on the part of I&B Ministry. The Sony Channel and the makers of The Dirty Picture are peeved at the government’s last minute intervention. But they should realise that this censorship has resulted in a truckload of publicity for their flick. Now more number of people want to watch it and find out for themselves whether what the government did is right or wrong.

It is a win-win scenario for The Dirty Picture, its makers and the Sony channel in the sense that this film is back in the news. In a battle of oneupmanship, the viewers have got plenty to whine about. They will rave and rant about the non-telecast of this steamy hot flick until something else catches their fancy in this age of social media where the attention span is as short as hundred and forty characters.

Nobody will be surprised when few minutes from now the life is back to normal and Sachin Tendulkar’s Mumbai Indians has become the talk of the town instead of some second rate The Dirty Picture. So much for the government’s intervention.

Poor Shah Rukh Khan gets detained in the US airport and back home our publicity hungry politicians get their knickers in a twist. Whenever this happens, there is this huge media uproar that follows. The kind of prime time this story grabs in the media is an eyesore to these media savvy politicians who think it’s their birthright to be “live” on every news channels simultaneously especially during the prime time.

This is why Rahul Gandhi borrowed Shah Rukh Khan’s epic line “My Name Is Khan and I am not a terrorist” to grab some eye balls for himself. This time he didn’t consult his script writer and went hammer and tongue with the line “My name is Rahul Gandhi and I am a Brahmin” daring his detractors to oppose him. Sure enough the main opposition party of India took the bait and added fuel to the fire by trying to take potshots at this Brahmin remark of the young(?) scion of the ruling party. As soon as that happened, Rahul Gandhi began to smile to himself for luring the enemy to fall into the pit dug exclusively for them.

While the Brahmin controversy was brewing, Mamata Banerjee did her bit to take her revenge on the US authorities for having detained the Poschim Bongla Brand Ambassador Shah Rukh Khan. She did so in style. She had a cartoonist arrest for mocking at her. It was surely a case of mistaken identity. She thought the cartoonist was the cousin of the immigrant officer from the US who had detained Shah Rukh Khan. Didi was certainly looking forward to killing two birds with one stone. But the media would have none of it and insisted on reporting the arrest of the cartoonist purely on the basis of poor professor having shown disrespect to Didi in his cartoons.

Right from Shah Rukh Khan to Rahul Gandhi to Mamata Banerjee to the cartoonist received their fair share of publicity. Nobody is complaining at the way these publicity stunts turned out to be. Shah Rukh Khan keeps saying that the police of twelve countries have been on a look-out for him. Therefore, it was natural for him to get detained at the USA Airport. The students of Yale University where he was due to give a speech can certainly wait for the King Khan to appear albeit a few hours late.

Rahul Gandhi’s charisma has gone to Karishma Kapoor for brushing up. It will only come back to him before the general elections of 2014. Till such time poor scion is left with whatever famous lines from legends his mother has written in a note-book and handed him over to learn by heart. He can make a few situational changes in those lines to manufacture a controversy as this is the only way media is going to take note of him.

Mamata Banerjee has  been talking about a change for quite some time. Now the people of her state has realised what change she has been talking about. There’s nobody who can say anything slightly displeasing to Didi and get away. The law will soon catch up. Not only the police will arrest the offenders but Didi’s personal army of supporters will also rough up the offenders before the police whisk away the culprits. Keeping all these things in mind some writers and filmmakers have got busy making an epic that depicts Didi as the empress of Asia so that no harm can come their way in case she were to become the PM or the President.

Shah Rukh Khan doesn’t need any controversy to become the bigger star than he already is. It is quite unfortunate that people manufacture controversies using the King Khan’s name for their own personal gains. Last heard, SRK was contemplating applying for the patent law on controversies that are going to be generated using his own name. He and he alone will have exclusive rights on all those controversies in which the name Shah Rukh Khan appears.

The only solution to avoid publicity hungry film actors and politicians is to stay away from all this by watching IPL5 that lacks any excitement with all geriatric players participating in it. Since people take vicarious pleasure in manufacturing controversies and cracking jokes on the so-called successful people, the most sensible thing to do is forget all these controversies because we can never know which new controversy is going to pop up after every one hour.

 

 

I am glad that I received a hero’s welcome after returning home from abroad. Past few months have been extremely daunting for me in terms of my battle against cancer. I’ve proven that I am the toughest cricketer around. Following the news of me having diagnosed with cancer a kind of strong sympathy wave has swept across the country.

There are times when I cannot help wondering whether I have overtaken Sachin Paaji in terms of popularity. It makes a beautiful story, doesn’t it? A young and dashing cricketer in the prime of his career suffering from a rare germ cancer between his lungs, supported by his single mother with the whole country praying for his well-being when he leaves abroad for the treatment.

Let me reveal one more secret since it is a secret diary and nobody is supposed to read it. The credit for whipping up this incredible sympathy wave goes to my PR machinery that came out with the elaborate strategy of bombarding my fans and the media with the latest updates and details of my recently concluded treatment. The idea to tweet pictures of my shaven head while undergoing chemotherapy struck a right chord and then there was no looking back.

Not only the whole strategy has helped me remain in the news throughout but it has also killed two birds with one stone. All my detractors had to pretend that they were my well-wishers and they began to air get-well-soon messages right, left and centre through media and social networking sites which resulted in massive publicity for my rare condition. Another advantage was by revealing this secret I checkmated BCCI cunningly.

Well, I should never bite the hands that feed but this is my secret diary and nobody has access to it so let me pour my heart out.  I am having a last laugh at BCCI’s expense and here’s how I outsmarted those big boys up there. I learnt a lot from Sachin Paaji’s tennis elbow. When the poor Sachin Paaji took a break to recover from his tennis elbow, he remained incommunicado throughout. That allowed the BCCI to spin the yarn it pleased to fool the public and misguide the media. Sachin Paaji too shy to confront the Big Boss remained oblivious to all those under-hand techniques.

But I am Yuvraj Singh. I believe in taking the fight to the enemy camp. To me the best form of defense is to attack. I was riding high on the massive hysteria that had followed our World Cup Victory in which I had a major role to play. So why not make hay while the sun is shining? When I am fit to play again after a couple of months, my popularity will be all time high. The selectors and the captain won’t have any other option except to include me in the playing eleven.

The fans too will be delighted to see me back in the action. That way I have ensured my place in the playing eleven for next one decade. One more important thing is I have done a great service to cancer by making it the prime time discussion topic on the television channels. Suddenly cancer is in the limelight. What Sachin Paaji couldn’t do for the poor tennis elbow I have done for the deadly cancer. People suffering from cancer will look at my smiling face and say, “If Yuvraj Singh can win the battle against cancer, why can’t we?”

I am a great guy and nobody can beat me. I am sure Deepika Padukone too is ruing her decision to dump me. What a super publicity she would have got! Imagine the pictures of this lass leaning on my shoulders while I’m undergoing the chemotherapy. It would have provided the much-needed boost to her almost defunct career by now. The producers would have chased this tigress big time to cast her opposite any big hero of the day. She would have given Katrina Kaifs and Priyanka Chopras run for their money. What a loser she has turned out to be! I’ve been really feeling sorry for her.

Do you know what else? I am on cloud nine with the big publishers making a beeline outside my house to sign me for a tell-all autobiography for a whopping undisclosed sum of money with which I can buy a house bigger than Mukesh Bhai Ambani’s Antilia. Oh my god, life has never been so good. I never knew cancer would bring me so much luck and adulation.

My countrymen are the real suckers for the motherly love and a hero with some Greek tragedy up his sleeve. I am loving all my fans out there. Without whose love this epic tale of my battle against cancer and the eventual victory would never have been possible.

I must sleep for now. Haven’t the doctors advised early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vijay Mallya must be a relieved man. Employees of Kingfisher Airlines must be more relieved than Mallya. Poor Vijay Mallya has been going through tough times of late following Deepika Padukone’s unceremonious dumping of Sidharth Mallya a few months back. More than the jilted lover his father suffered a blow and poor employees of Kingfisher Airlines had to pay the price.

So many jokes have been doing the round about the beleaguered Mallya and his almost defunct airlines. Sometimes Mallya himself adds fuel to the fire by blaming his woes on the malice of paid news. The king of good times has been at the receiving end. This is why perhaps he chose to settle the issue of pending salaries of the employees of Kingfisher Airlines on the eve of the fifth season of much-awaited IPL.

Perhaps Vijay Mallya is aware that his beer guzzling images with arm candies leaning on his side while he is watching his team play at various venues across the country is bound to provide gist to the rumour mills. All sorts of allegations are sure to fly thick and fast. He will come under increasing media scrutiny and become the butt of ridicule on various social networking sites. To avoid all this he has done the most sensible thing by declaring his plan to pay off the salaries in two phases.

Whether the harried employees receive the promised pending salaries or not remains to be soon. But at the moment guns have fallen silent and the focus is slowly shifting on to the IPL 5 and Vijay Mallya owned Royal Challengers.

We are an entertainment loving nation. We get a kick out of poking fun at famous and successful people. It’s not that we don’t like successful people or we are jealous of their popularity. When someone who is larger than life errs or does something that he or she is not supposed to do, all knives come out baying for his or her blood.

Nobody can replace Suhel Sheth when it comes to taking pot shots at politicians or anything under the sun for that matter on the television. He is a fearless orator who believes in calling a spade a spade. There are very few courageous speakers like him. This is why every channel loves to have him on their show. He brings to the table that power packed punch required to add to the oomph factor in the debates that take place in the television studios.

Suhel Seth is a delight to watch when he is in his elements. There’s no stopping him when he starts speaking. His famous catch phrase includes, “Iss hamam mein sub nange hai” that brings smile to the lips of viewers, anchors and participants alike. But then there are his detractors who want Suhel Seth out of their ear shots. He doesn’t spare anyone when it comes to standing up and taking the stand. Therefore, it is natural for such a person to have enemies.

We may not like what Suhel Seth does or says on television. We may not agree with him all the time. We may not like Vijay Mallya’s flamboyancy and the reports of such a rich man not paying his employees’ salaries on time may be disturbing to us. But why do we have to poke fun at them? They are mortar beings with their flaws. Can’t we take a look at their achievements and give them the benefits of doubts for a while before jumping to the conclusions?

All these big people are made up of different stuff. When the going gets tough, the tough get going is the mantra they believe in. Both Suhel Seth and Vijay Mallya may be in their early fifties. What makes them easy targets of people’s ire is their swashbuckling life styles not withstanding their respective ages. But when you have scaled those high peaks of dizzying heights, do you really care enough?

Whether people shower their adulation on Vijay Mallya and Suhel Seth or make fun of their accents, hair styles and the way they dress up not to mention things they say in public, they will keep bouncing back. Whether we love them or hate them, we cannot ignore them. That’s Vijay Mallya and Suhel Seth for you. The show must go on.


Wow....!!! This Much Love.....!!!!

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