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Archive for the ‘MMS’ Category

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Who doesn’t know Manish Tewari? Manish Tewari is an I&B Union Minister. He also has a dubious distinction of trending on a popular micro blogging site Twitter on famous Bollywood actress Katrina Kaif’s birthday. The reason why he trended on Twitter on such a fateful day is once again he did what he is expert at doing. He shot his mouth off.

Everybody knows that Dr. MMS doesn’t speak at all. Manish Tewariji is a complete contrast to MMS. He speaks too much. He doesn’t try and understand whether his comments or observations are required and whether they’ll serve his party well or not. No sooner he sees camera crews from TV news channels than he starts speaking sometimes much to the chagrin of the party he represents.

On the condition of anonymity, some senior Congress leaders have admitted that a tacit understanding between ever silent PM and motor mouth Manishji does exist. It is mutually agreed by both PM and Manishji that while the former will observe an all time silence, the latter will start hyperventilating every time he comes within sniffing distance of a mike.

That said, after all who can forget his notorious jibe at Anna Hazare and his team? It was Manishji who had accused Annaji of corruption. But he had really met his match in Anna Hazare who took him to the cleaners by demanding an apology from him without delay. That public spat with Annaji helped Manishji score brownie points within his own party. This is precisely why every time Manishji suffers from the foot in the mouth disease, his party throws its full weight behind him.

But alas his luck seems to have run its course. This time around Manishji has reportedly earned the wrath of his party big wigs while taking a jibe at BJP for charging admission fee at an event in Hyderabad where Mr. Modi is the main speaker. The latest round of verbal dual between Manishji and BJP hasn’t gone down well with the party High Command. Rahul G is livid at the way BJP has attacked the central leadership of Congress on account of Manish Tewari’s potshot at Modi show in Hyderabad next month. Congress has been finding itself on back-foot ever since Mr. Modi’s elevation at the national stage. The party think tank has decided not to lock direct horns with the Gujarat CM. But Manishji has sounded the war of bugle without getting a green signal from 10 Janpath.

Rahul G has reportedly asked Manishji to avoid mikes and TV cameras until further orders. In the next party meet, Rahul G – it is learnt from the sources close to him – will welcome Manishji with a garland of five rupee currency note and advise him to keep that note as a token of appreciation for keeping his mouth shut in future.

Though many senior leaders feel that five rupee note is such a small amount for Manishji, Rahul G is believed to have convinced them by citing the fall of rupee from the grace. It remains to be seen whether Manishji will come out unscathed from his latest predicament. Those who know the gritty minister claim that this is like a storm in the tea cup for the beleaguered minister, trust him to kick off another another controversy to bring him back in the reckoning as soon as possible.

The whole world has gone insane. How else can you explain such vile remarks and attacks on my integrity from all and sundry? They don’t know they are targeting a saint like me. The developments over past few months have pained me a lot to say the least.

Once upon a time the critics called Mrs. Indira Gandhi “gungi gudiya” for her alleged inability to give rousing speeches while addressing public gatherings. I am aware of the whisper campaign currently underway that describes such an honorable man like me as “gunga guda” for my deep and contemplative silence.

After all, what is there to speak? Kapil ji, Chidambaram ji, and Digvijay ji are all the time speaking. Sometimes they bribe my peon to steal the print-outs of my speeches and  replace them with the blank A4 papers. Then they shamelessly learn these speeches by heart only to reproduce them verbatim in the TV studios much to the dismay of my spin doctors who so painfully write my speeches.

All these underhand techniques of my cabinet and party colleagues have forced me into such a remorseful silence that the whole world is heaping scorn on me. I know that my integrity is beyond reproach. The scams have been around even before my premiership. It is not that all the scams have taken place during my tenure contrary to the impression that has gained ground.

I have always made it clear that I have nothing to hide. That I am ready for any debate on the floor of parliament. That I am all for the impartial inquiry of my roles into various scams that have unfortunately tumbled out of closets during the UPA regime.

The opposition has been baying for my blood. My own cabinet colleagues are giving contradictory statements with a view to pushing me out of Madam’s good books. The social media too is trying its best to create social unrest. Whoever is making life difficult for me doesn’t know that I am the best PM the country has seen till date.

To bolster my claim, here are a few achievements. I have put the Tihar Jail on the global map. Various scams with mind numbing zeros have flourished under my premiership. All this has contributed towards many Indians becoming multimillionaires to adore the cover page of the Forbes magazine. The list is endless. I can go on and on.

The media is the direct beneficiary of all the shenanigans that have taken place during my tenure. Thanks to all the scams and communal unrest in the recent past, the media has witnessed a steady growth in its circulation, TRPs and revenues over a period of time. Poor western media – buoyed by recession – cannot see its Indian counterparts doing so well.

This is precisely why they target me thinking it will bring a turn around in their fortunes. The Time cover-page was not only silly but also in a poor taste. Nobody (here or abroad) was impressed with the lousy job Time did. Instead of me losing my (already lost) reputation, it was Time that ended up damaging its own reputation.

This western press or media doesn’t like to learn from its own mistakes. Now as I write this diary, the Washington Post seems to have shot itself in the foot by calling such a man of fine repute like yours truly as a tragic figure who has fallen from grace. Can there be anything more comic than these juvenile observations?

The scribe Mr. Simon Denyer himself is a tragic figure since all those gentlemen he has spoken to before doing this piece on me have royally taken him for a jolly ride. Poor Simon Denyer doesn’t seem to understand that without grasping the local political permutations and combinations and equations if you sit down to write something as serious as that, your sources and facts tend to get all mixed up making you look like a tragic figure in the end.

The learned gentleman has little idea that my government and the party boast of years of experience in blaming on poor “foreign hand” everything that happens in this country. Then how can this foreign hand (scribe) come back to haunt me? I am really having the last laugh now.

Before I slip back into my preferred silence mode, one word of caution for Ambika ji who has been demanding an apology from Mr. Denyer who merely did as he was asked to do. She doesn’t know that my favourite film is Yash Chopra directed super-hit “Deewar”.

To quote the famous line from my all time favourite Deewar, “First go and get the signature of that person who inked on my hand that my father is a thief”, I think in view of the ongoing predicament, it would be more appropriate if first she went and got Madam’s apology for having listened to her inner-voice way back in 2004. While she is at it, she might as well go to the voters who voted UPA to power to get their apologies.

So many apologies are required. Whatever is happening is politically motivated for which as usual a foreign hand is to be blamed. Since I am not to be blamed for anything, please offer your unconditional apologies.

 

 

 

 

What’s with the batting maestro Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar and controversies? Of late, the Little Master has courted more than his share of controversies all that he has done for the country not withstanding. His recent failures are hard to explain away. Finally the age is catching up with him. This is precisely why the time for him has come to hang the boots and walk into the sunset.

This is what every expert on the subject has been suggesting to whoever cares to listen. Some of these experts have been close SRT watchers ever since his debut. It is indeed ironical that the same experts had never grown tired of waxing eloquences on the man when he was on a song and no world record – however big – seemed to pose any major challenge to his magical willow.

The reason often cited apart from his recent loss of form both home and abroad is all his contemporaries have called it a day. What for SRT is waiting? Every time he interacts with the media, the million dollar question invariably crops up which he politely leaves alone like a delivery outside his off-stump. He is a genius who doesn’t like to be told what he should do next although he may be acutely aware of the growing clamour for his retirement all around him. He just shrugs it off and moves on.

What makes him hang in there? He has everything. He has broken every record there was to break. Then why not give up? Why not make way for younger feet and fitter body? Well, it is easier said than done especially when all you have done throughout the life is just go out there and play cricket.

However dangerous it may be to mix politics and sports together, nobody can deny that when mixed together, they produce a heady effect. For example, try as one might to control the temptation to draw certain parallels between Sachin Tendulkar and Dr. Manmohan Singh, it is so difficult since they are so glaring.

At the moment both these men are under tremendous pressure to give up their jobs. The louder the demands for their resignations, the more tightly they appear to be clinging to their respective jobs. Although cricket is a team game, the individual performances do matter. If a member of playing eleven is unable to contribute to the side’s victory, he has to face the axe. This is a rule supposed to be applicable for all the players irrespective of their stature. Nobody can rest on his past laurels to quote a famous adage, “you are as good as your last innings.”

The similarities between SRT and MMS are many. In SRT’s case, despite his poor run the team is winning. In MMS’ case, both he and country are losing. SRT is unable to move his feet to face the delivery bowled at him. MMS is unable to move his lips to answer questions put to him. SRT undergoes long practice sessions at the nets to play himself back into the form. MMS holds long closed doors meetings with the party High Command to keep himself glued to the chair.

Noticing their present discomfiture both their respective well-wishers and detractors unite to demand their resignations which always falls on deaf ears.Do we have any right to sharpen our knives and bay for these two gentlemen’s blood? Haven’t they done this country enough proud during their hay days?

As one extremely knowledgeable gentleman rightly put it on Twitter that those who have never held a cricket bat are demanding SRT’s retirement. How true this observation is! Come to think of the fact that more than fifty percent cricket lovers who watch the teams play either in stadiums or on TVs have never held cricket bats in their hands.

I wished the gentleman had gone on to say that those who have never held prime minister’s post are asking for his resignation. How apt it would have been!

Morale of the whole retirement/resignation saga is ex-cricketrs and ex-prime ministers have the exclusive rights to demand their counterparts’ retirement/resignation. If this point goes across, then hopefully all the noise will die down.


@GheTa

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