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Archive for the ‘Mahatma’ Category

Respected Honourable Justice Katju Sir,

The world would have been such a sadder place, had you not been around. You have been tirelessly entertaining your countrymen for past few months. Though 90% of Indians are idiots, they love you for providing hilarious moments full of the humour that has come to be the very hallmark of your personality.

The entire film fraternity has expressed outrage and shock at the Supreme Court that has upheld the film actor Sanjay Dutt’s conviction. The court has granted him five years rigorous imprisonment. By now everyone knows what Sanjay Dutt was found guilty of doing. There’s no need to repeat those details here.

Sir, you have really stirred the hornet’s nest by demanding that Sanjay Dutt should be forgiven. According to you he has already suffered enough. His ordeals have become the stuff the legends are made up of. The country is surprised to know that you have a soft spot in your heart for Sanjay Dutt. That’s really so nice of you.

Ever since you’ve observed that 90% of Indians are idiots, those 90% of Indians had been wondering whether you belonged to that group of 90% or not. But now the whole country has heaved a sigh of relief that you too are very much a part of the elite club of those 90% idiots.

You are seeking pardon for Sanjay Dutt on various grounds. Those grounds indicate how deeply you have studied the enigma called Sanjay Dutt before dashing off that letter to the governor of Maharashtra. Please forgive me for being obnoxious. But the fact is Sanjay Dutt is a father of three children, and not two; as you have wrongly written in your letter.

This is, however, a small error that can be overlooked since film stars tend to have colourful lives. And the number of how many children they have fathered is always under constant speculation. Having said this the most hilarious ground is since Sanjay Dutt revived the memories of Bapu – the father of our nation – through his portrayal of Munnabhai character in Lagey Raho Munnabhai, he is eligible for mercy.

This ground has left no one in doubt that we Indians are really idiots. Do we really need someone like Sanjay Dutt to remind us of Bapu’s huge legacy? If we want to remember Bapu, all we need to do is take a look at a ten rupee note. Bapu is aways there for us printed on the Indian currency notes observing silently how we spend our money.

Sir, you are a man of impeccable integrity. You neither seek (intentionally) publicity nor spend money. This is precisely why it took a convicted brat like Sanju Baba to remind you of Bapu. More power to your idiocy, sir. You have made every idiot world wide hugely proud of you.

Please continue to entertain your countrymen like this forever. In these strife torn and inflation ridden times, all we can afford is a few moments of harmless laughter. Only you can provide us those lighter moments. I would also like to congratulate you for showing the publicity hungry masses how to generate publicity without coming across as someone who is hungry for publicity. How to manufacture controversies has come to be an art. You are the master of manufacturing controversies and thereby gaining unlimited publicity.

Kudos to your penchant for managing to stay in the limelight through all the seasons.

Best Wishes for future heroics.

Yours Truly.

An Idiot.

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Come Bapu’s birthday and lip services become the flavour of the season. Suddenly the gasbags feel an acute need to revisit Mahatma’s ideas and principles only to tell those who care to listen that how relevant they are even today!

Upon closer examination it becomes clear that in their personal lives these Bapu fans do exactly opposite of what Bapu preached and expected his followers to emulate. But then some occasions such as Bapu’s birth anniversary have ended up as the spectacles for indulging in unabashed hypocrisy.

In the build-up to Bapu’s birthday, there were no controversies until the theft of the spectacles perched upon Bapu’s statue at Anna Hazare’s native place came to light.

Now this theft however small or trivial begs the question why to steal the spectacles of a statue of Mahatma whom people revere or pretend to revere? What kind of thief will commit such an absurd and logic defying theft? Is the thief mentally unstable or what? Above all, should we laugh at the spectacle-less statue or the thief who committed the crime of robbing the symbol of its most recognisable trademark?

Either there is no respect left for Bapu or people will go to any extent to earn their five minutes of fame. Will the police register a case and not rest until the guilty is/are brought to book? This means to say that one prank bordering on inhumanity has the potential of setting off equally silly and time consuming reactions.

Has the mischief taken place on any other normal day, would it have got the coverage it got on the eve of Bapu’s birth anniversary? The travesty of justice is Bapu is a forgotten hero who appears on the radar of our collective conscience only when there is a controversy attached to his name.

Bapu would have forgiven those who have stolen the spectacles of his statue. Then, the joke would have been on the thieves themselves. The best way to celebrate Bapu’s this birthday will be to visit Bapu’s statues installed across prime locations in our respective cities and replace his rimless spectacles with the designer glares ala Dabangg style.

This will not only give Bapu an image make over but will also help him reconnect with today’s youth. The mischief makers have given the genuine Bapu fans an opportunity to bring Bapu back into the reckoning.

Bapu needs Ray Bans. Bapu’s fans need some path breaking ideas to keep his relevance in today’s age. The Bapu detractors need attention by indulging in acts of stupidity such as stealing spectacles of statue to prove their point. Sadly, nobody gives a thought to Bapu’s feelings any more.

Bapu’s principles are all for simplicity and non-violence. Let’s remember and forgive the thief.

Happy Birthday Mahatma. You continue to live in our hearts.


@GheTa

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