Dream

Archive for the ‘Boss’ Category

Many are grumbling over the government’s diktat to the mobile service providers for capping the limit of  SMSes to 5 SMS per day. Those who are grumbling are mostly young lovers who find themselves unable to connect with their sweethearts for everything that happens in their lives when they are not together.

While their predicament is understandable and worth condemning, there is this most negligent and wretched tribe of salesmen which has heaved a huge sigh of relief following this restriction on the number of text messages one can send from the mobile numbers.

The salesmen are the most harassed lot in the country. Nobody gives a second thought about the plight of the poor salesmen who are always up against stiff targets and devilish deadlines. Their bosses chase them for targets and deadlines big time through SMSes. The tracking system is so severe that the harried salesmen have to carry their mobile phones to the loos for fear of missing important messages from the bosses up there wanting to give Gyaan to their field force.

In the sales field, missing a client’s call is pardonable but missing a boss’s message containing gibberish that often gets passed off as the valuable solutions to the imaginary problems is a strict no-no lest it might cost the salesman his job. No prizes for guessing that sending the prompt replies to such schizophrenic stream of messages is deemed as a must have quality for the survival of brave salesmen.

There had been no escaping from this mindless onslaught of highly intellectual(?) messages prior to this restriction. Now thanks to the government’s initiative which has finally woken up to the sorry plight of the millions of hard working salesmen to keep the company’s coffers filled, all over the country the salesmen are rejoicing for this unexpected freedom from the tyranny of the SMSes.

Many salesmen have decided to take long breaks (albeit unofficial) from duties. The union heads of the salesmen are mulling over the idea of writing a joint letter to the government requesting to prolong the restrictions so that quality of their lives go up and they can bounce back fresh and more productive.

Considering the General Elections being round the corner, the ruling party can take solace from the fact of having discovered a new constituency of millions of salesmen accidentally that will vote for it if the demand of a prolonged restriction of SMS service is met. Therefore it will not come as a surprise if the restriction stays much to the chagrin of young lovers and gossip mongers.

Now lovers can take long walks in the parks. Gossip mongers can get a life. And the salesmen can take breaks with impunity for the government has provided them with an extraordinary opportunity to tell their bosses to shove those smart phones up their noses.

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The breaking news of Vinod Mehta quitting Outlook – the weekly news magazine – has come as the biggest shock. Why has Mr. Mehta decided to call it a day all of a sudden? Was the writing on the wall? Have the readers and fans of both Vinod Mehta and Outlook failed to read it? This sudden development smacks of betrayal of the trust that the fans of Vinod Mehta have reposed in him for a period of almost two decades. In the Delhi Diary of the latest issue of Outlook, he fondly recounts his experiences at the Jaipur Literature Festival without giving any hint of this impending retirement. How could he manage to keep this decision such a tight secret? Is there more to this sudden announcement of retirement than what meets the eye? 

Having said this, Outlook and Vinod Mehta are synonymous. One cannot separate these two from each other. The most number of times sacked editor could take Outlook to such dizzying heights is the fact that defies all logic. Who can forget the controversial inaugural issue of Outlook? Who can forget the expose of match fixings in the Indian cricket team? The most recent are the shocking revelations of the Niira Radia tapes? With Mr. Mehta at the helm of affairs Outlook was the most awaited weekly magazine. Two segments of Outlook have hugely contributed to its success. I can say this with confidence as a devoted reader. One is the letters to the editor where readers calling Mr. Mehta all sorts of names can see their letters published. Another Delhi Diary written by the editor-in-chief himself where he can say the most outrageous things in his unique calling-a-spade-a-spade style and get away.

Now will the charm of Outlook remain the same with Mr. Mehta’s replacement in place or wither  away? This is a difficult question to answer. Maybe the answer will reveal itself over a period of next few Fridays when the latest issues of Outlook normally hit the stands across the country. What will Outlook look like without Vinod Mehta? Or rather what will Vinod Mehta be like without country’s number one news magazine at his disposal? Certainly these are the most painful times for both Mr. Mehta and its teenage baby Outlook.

According to me Mr. Mehta should try and write Lucknow Boy 2 in his free time now wherein he should reveal the secrets of what made him such an enduring presence with the Outlook Group. He should share all the trade secrets that changed the face of journalism in the country and made Outlook such a big house hold name. He should also hold forth on the possibilities of whether Outlook will survive without him or perish. However I am loath to write the obituary of this magazine I’ve grown up with with the departure of the man who launched it.

Let’s hope Mr. Mehta doesn’t disappear from the face of the earth. Let’s pray occasionally he comes out and voices his opinions from the retirement. It will be refreshing to hear this man once in a while who gave India a lot to look forward to over the weekends. No matter what Outlook does and how big it grows, the tall shadow of Vinod Mehta will forever linger over it. A big salute to the gritty and charismatic editor-in-chief whose notoriety this country loved to hate.

What a thought! Effective boss management? Well, boss is supposed to effectively manage his colleagues or “subordinates” (as some bosses love to call their team members). Then why this thought of effective boss management? Unfortunately, there are some bosses in the present scenario who expect their subordinates to manage them, and, not the other way around. One really feels pity for those who have got such over-smart bosses. Only those people know what a real pain in the neck such bosses can be!

Such bosses don’t do any work. (But they always claim to be the busiest people in the organisations). They dump their work on others (while claiming that they are delegating that particular assignment as they see a lot of potential and talent in that person). They claim to know everything (but in reality they know nothing).They justify their short-comings or failures by giving lots of reasons (while claiming their analytical abilities rarely let them down). They rarely think positive thoughts. They have no goals in life. They see other colleagues as their adversaries. They love to drop names (usually the names of top bosses) to impress upon their team members how close they are to the top management. They don’t trust people easily.  And even If they trust someone, you can be certain that they are trusting a wrong guy. They never let others know how royally their bosses have screwed them in meetings behind closed doors. They always claim to be over qualified for the post they are holding or the job they are doing. (Perhaps it is their way of hiding their inferiority complex.) They always take all the credit for good deeds done and put the blame on others for failures and botched up assignments. They never appreciate their team members.  On the other hand, they take vicarious pleasure out of pointing out their team mates’ mistakes. This is why they can never build formidable teams and when people quit, they blame HR guys for giving them the wrong guys.

Now how to effectively manage such sissy characters masquerading as bosses? Well, managing such bosses can be the trickiest job on the earth however good the organisation may be. As long as an employee reports to such a killjoy boss, he can never be satisfied or happy in his life. But for such a useless boss it is not advisable to change the job. Instead it’s better to learn to effectively manage such a pain in the neck boss.  Here’s a list of some suggestions to win over a boss possessing supernatural powers and qualities:-

  • Never argue with such a boss as he cannot tolerate any dissenting voices emanating from his team. Always avoid eye contact and say yes with head bowed down in respect. (This will convince him that you are scared of him and hence he will never bother you.)
  • Make such a boss realise through flattery that not only his team but the entire organisation is doing so well only because he is a part of it. His mere presence has added so much of value to the organisation and you are proud to be in his team. (His ego will get a lot of massaging and he will smile thinking about your words when he is alone.)
  • If the boss is blaming someone for failing to do the job assigned, never defend that person. Support your boss. (This will convince him of his leadership qualities.)
  • Such boss is fond of giving unsolicited advice and lectures on the issues he thinks are the most important. Listen to those lectures attentively while pretending to look impressed with eyes wide open. After he finishes, whisper softly the same ideas you read in a management book written by some big shot management guru. You are deeply touched to know your boss’s ideas and that management guru’s ideas are matching. (This will put him on top of the world. Such braggarts never bother to cross check the facts. )
  • Whenever he assigns any work, never say no. Say you will do it. He doesn’t usually mention any deadline while assigning work because it’s thrust upon him and he wants to get rid of it as soon as possible. More surprisingly, he won’t even follow up once he has washed his hands off that work. You can take your own sweet time and complete it. (This will make him feel you are giving him a lot of importance. And he will make you an integral part of his team so that he can dumb his work on your head without fear of getting a no in reply.)

Needless to say such bosses are lazy and lacking in any skills to manage the team they are heading. The key to deal with such bosses is: don’t bother them, ignore them as much as you can. Don’t go to them for any work. Rather let them come to you with some work. Speak less in their presence. And last but not the least pretend to look impressed by their so-called innovative ideas. If you do this much, they will leave you alone and the quality of your life (if not career) will go up dramatically.

 

 

 

 


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