Dream

Posts Tagged ‘Figment of Imagination

This is the time when everybody wants to prop up his or her candidate for the post of the President of India. Although this is not the most powerful post in the Indian polity, every political party wants to install their man at the helm so that when the time comes, he can return the favour.

Many out-of-work politicians throw their hats in the ring. Before they fade into the oblivion, they want to try their luck at the shot of immortality that the post of the Prez tends to offer. Having said that there are many politicians who would like to have a young President this time around who is not necessarily from the political background. The J&K CM tweeted earlier in the day to convey this message.

Now if this were to really happen, who fits the bill? India is a young country, and; the young generation would love to have a young President if given a chance. The President should be someone who is always in the news for the bold decision he takes and thereby controversies that he generates. At any given point of time half a dozen OB vans belonging to various media houses ought to be stationed outside the official residence of the Prez awaiting breaking news or some juicy stories.

Who can call a spade a spade and cope up with the pulls and pressures that are such an integral part of the life after occupying the chair of the President? Well, there is only one brave heart who can set a new precedent by becoming the President of India. That person is none other than Mr. Lalit Modi.

Mr. Lalit Modi needs no introduction. The whole world knows him. The politicians cutting across the party lines swear by his popularity. He has forever changed the face of cricket by launching the IPL and introducing the concept of franchising into the much loved sport of this country. Who can forget the initial shock waves generated by the auction of big cricketers?

If he becomes the President of India, the first thing he will do is introduce the same concept of franchising into the politics as well. Unlike IPL, this political franchises will have state wise teams. This means the number of Indian states will equal the number of political teams. Each team will be known by the name of the state it represents and not by the name the respective franchise owners choose for their respective teams.Each team will comprise of twenty five politicians from the state the team comes. International politicians will not be allowed to be a part of any team.

Imagine the high profile politicians owned by the Tatas, Birlas, Ambanis,  Khans, Adanis and Mittals of this country. Their job will be to legislate maximum laws favouring their masters. If any politicians fail to do so, his owner has every right to discard him or her before the next general elections that take place every five years.

The official residence of the President boasts of a palatial bungalow that never sees much partying or flurry of guests. But with Mr. Lalit Modi at the helm the bungalow will see as many parties as possible. After the grueling day at the Parliament he would love to relax amidst young and bubbly cheerleaders from across the country. All the franchise owners too will gather there and have a good time by socialising with one another over free flow of liquor with the liquor baron Mr. Vijay Mallya promising to provide unlimited supply of all his famous brands of whiskey and beer.

All his detractors will flee the country and live in exile when he becomes the  President. But Mr. Lalit Modi won’t indulge in any kind of political vendetta. On the other hand, he will pursue them to return to the country by rolling a red carpet upon their arrival. Mr. Modi is a kind soul who wants every human being on earth to prosper and enjoy. This is precisely why he gifted IPL to his countrymen by bringing together players, coaches and commentators from across the world.

Similarly he will bring together the politicians of all hues and cries by promising them mega bucks from their respective owners. This will foster a lot of healthy competition amongst the politicians as their prices and selection will depend purely on their performances, and not on any kind of muscle power. The party high command culture will make way for the board-room kind of culture as “shape-up-or-ship-out” will be the only motto that will come to determine the worth and usefulness of any politician worth his salt.

Finally the biggest advantage or disadvantage (depending upon the way you look at it) of Mr. Lalit Modi becoming the President of India will be that Narendra Modi will have to wait few more years to stake his claim to become the prime minister since two Modis at the helm will send out wrong signals and their common last names will create a lot of confusion amongst the visiting foreign dignitaries.

This means one Modi’s gain is another Modi’s loss. But all said and done Mr. Lalit Modi is the one man who can bring much needed glamour to the post of the President of India which it lacks as of now.

 

 

Poor Shah Rukh Khan gets detained in the US airport and back home our publicity hungry politicians get their knickers in a twist. Whenever this happens, there is this huge media uproar that follows. The kind of prime time this story grabs in the media is an eyesore to these media savvy politicians who think it’s their birthright to be “live” on every news channels simultaneously especially during the prime time.

This is why Rahul Gandhi borrowed Shah Rukh Khan’s epic line “My Name Is Khan and I am not a terrorist” to grab some eye balls for himself. This time he didn’t consult his script writer and went hammer and tongue with the line “My name is Rahul Gandhi and I am a Brahmin” daring his detractors to oppose him. Sure enough the main opposition party of India took the bait and added fuel to the fire by trying to take potshots at this Brahmin remark of the young(?) scion of the ruling party. As soon as that happened, Rahul Gandhi began to smile to himself for luring the enemy to fall into the pit dug exclusively for them.

While the Brahmin controversy was brewing, Mamata Banerjee did her bit to take her revenge on the US authorities for having detained the Poschim Bongla Brand Ambassador Shah Rukh Khan. She did so in style. She had a cartoonist arrest for mocking at her. It was surely a case of mistaken identity. She thought the cartoonist was the cousin of the immigrant officer from the US who had detained Shah Rukh Khan. Didi was certainly looking forward to killing two birds with one stone. But the media would have none of it and insisted on reporting the arrest of the cartoonist purely on the basis of poor professor having shown disrespect to Didi in his cartoons.

Right from Shah Rukh Khan to Rahul Gandhi to Mamata Banerjee to the cartoonist received their fair share of publicity. Nobody is complaining at the way these publicity stunts turned out to be. Shah Rukh Khan keeps saying that the police of twelve countries have been on a look-out for him. Therefore, it was natural for him to get detained at the USA Airport. The students of Yale University where he was due to give a speech can certainly wait for the King Khan to appear albeit a few hours late.

Rahul Gandhi’s charisma has gone to Karishma Kapoor for brushing up. It will only come back to him before the general elections of 2014. Till such time poor scion is left with whatever famous lines from legends his mother has written in a note-book and handed him over to learn by heart. He can make a few situational changes in those lines to manufacture a controversy as this is the only way media is going to take note of him.

Mamata Banerjee has  been talking about a change for quite some time. Now the people of her state has realised what change she has been talking about. There’s nobody who can say anything slightly displeasing to Didi and get away. The law will soon catch up. Not only the police will arrest the offenders but Didi’s personal army of supporters will also rough up the offenders before the police whisk away the culprits. Keeping all these things in mind some writers and filmmakers have got busy making an epic that depicts Didi as the empress of Asia so that no harm can come their way in case she were to become the PM or the President.

Shah Rukh Khan doesn’t need any controversy to become the bigger star than he already is. It is quite unfortunate that people manufacture controversies using the King Khan’s name for their own personal gains. Last heard, SRK was contemplating applying for the patent law on controversies that are going to be generated using his own name. He and he alone will have exclusive rights on all those controversies in which the name Shah Rukh Khan appears.

The only solution to avoid publicity hungry film actors and politicians is to stay away from all this by watching IPL5 that lacks any excitement with all geriatric players participating in it. Since people take vicarious pleasure in manufacturing controversies and cracking jokes on the so-called successful people, the most sensible thing to do is forget all these controversies because we can never know which new controversy is going to pop up after every one hour.

 

 

I am glad that I received a hero’s welcome after returning home from abroad. Past few months have been extremely daunting for me in terms of my battle against cancer. I’ve proven that I am the toughest cricketer around. Following the news of me having diagnosed with cancer a kind of strong sympathy wave has swept across the country.

There are times when I cannot help wondering whether I have overtaken Sachin Paaji in terms of popularity. It makes a beautiful story, doesn’t it? A young and dashing cricketer in the prime of his career suffering from a rare germ cancer between his lungs, supported by his single mother with the whole country praying for his well-being when he leaves abroad for the treatment.

Let me reveal one more secret since it is a secret diary and nobody is supposed to read it. The credit for whipping up this incredible sympathy wave goes to my PR machinery that came out with the elaborate strategy of bombarding my fans and the media with the latest updates and details of my recently concluded treatment. The idea to tweet pictures of my shaven head while undergoing chemotherapy struck a right chord and then there was no looking back.

Not only the whole strategy has helped me remain in the news throughout but it has also killed two birds with one stone. All my detractors had to pretend that they were my well-wishers and they began to air get-well-soon messages right, left and centre through media and social networking sites which resulted in massive publicity for my rare condition. Another advantage was by revealing this secret I checkmated BCCI cunningly.

Well, I should never bite the hands that feed but this is my secret diary and nobody has access to it so let me pour my heart out.  I am having a last laugh at BCCI’s expense and here’s how I outsmarted those big boys up there. I learnt a lot from Sachin Paaji’s tennis elbow. When the poor Sachin Paaji took a break to recover from his tennis elbow, he remained incommunicado throughout. That allowed the BCCI to spin the yarn it pleased to fool the public and misguide the media. Sachin Paaji too shy to confront the Big Boss remained oblivious to all those under-hand techniques.

But I am Yuvraj Singh. I believe in taking the fight to the enemy camp. To me the best form of defense is to attack. I was riding high on the massive hysteria that had followed our World Cup Victory in which I had a major role to play. So why not make hay while the sun is shining? When I am fit to play again after a couple of months, my popularity will be all time high. The selectors and the captain won’t have any other option except to include me in the playing eleven.

The fans too will be delighted to see me back in the action. That way I have ensured my place in the playing eleven for next one decade. One more important thing is I have done a great service to cancer by making it the prime time discussion topic on the television channels. Suddenly cancer is in the limelight. What Sachin Paaji couldn’t do for the poor tennis elbow I have done for the deadly cancer. People suffering from cancer will look at my smiling face and say, “If Yuvraj Singh can win the battle against cancer, why can’t we?”

I am a great guy and nobody can beat me. I am sure Deepika Padukone too is ruing her decision to dump me. What a super publicity she would have got! Imagine the pictures of this lass leaning on my shoulders while I’m undergoing the chemotherapy. It would have provided the much-needed boost to her almost defunct career by now. The producers would have chased this tigress big time to cast her opposite any big hero of the day. She would have given Katrina Kaifs and Priyanka Chopras run for their money. What a loser she has turned out to be! I’ve been really feeling sorry for her.

Do you know what else? I am on cloud nine with the big publishers making a beeline outside my house to sign me for a tell-all autobiography for a whopping undisclosed sum of money with which I can buy a house bigger than Mukesh Bhai Ambani’s Antilia. Oh my god, life has never been so good. I never knew cancer would bring me so much luck and adulation.

My countrymen are the real suckers for the motherly love and a hero with some Greek tragedy up his sleeve. I am loving all my fans out there. Without whose love this epic tale of my battle against cancer and the eventual victory would never have been possible.

I must sleep for now. Haven’t the doctors advised early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lalit Modi is a very nice man. He has done a big favour to the cricket crazy nation like India by having launched IPL. In the process, he has made the BCCI rich, many cricketers richer and has given the film-stars a golden opportunity to stay in the limelight for all the reasons right or wrong. The name of Lalit Modi will go down in history as someone who tortured the Indian cinema goers with an utterly ridiculous flick like Ra-One. How? Had Shah Rukh Khan not bought KKR, he wouldn’t have got enough money to make Ra-One and we all would have been spared from the traumatic three hours of watching it.

Lalit Modi is the man responsible for Shashi Tharoor’s marriage to Sunanda Pushker. It was he who made things easier for the dapper Mr Tharoor by tweeting about his interest in Sunanda Pushker and setting the couple up nicely for the marital bliss. Had he not done so, Mr. Tharoor would still be pulling his hair out thinking about how to propose to Sunanda Madam. As we all know Mr Vijay Mallya’s passion for sports in general and the cheer leaders in particular, it was Lalit Modi who made it possible for him to import the scantily clad cheer leaders from the USA.

The more one talks about Lalit Modi’s favours to the world cricket and the upper strata of the society, the less it is. One has to write a book of several hundred pages to do justice to the immense contribution this man has made and continues to make even as I write this piece in his honour. Everybody wants to have a friend like Lalit Modi as he is the man of all seasons.

The icing on the cake is when Lalit Modi learnt of his poor countrymen living on a paltry sum of Rs. 28/- per day, his heart went out to those poor people. And as a result, since he is a man of action, he has decided to take a vow of a simple living by abandoning the luxurious and lavish life he has been leading until now. To make things easier for this extraordinary son of the soil, the London Court has come to the rescue by declaring him bankrupt so that he cannot change his mind at the last minute.

The word out there is he failed to pay the Page Group – an international securities and risk assessment company – the fee of Rs 53 lakhs for the services provided in the year 2010. Nobody is ready to believe this news to be true. Lalit Modi is a generous human being who gave away crores of rupees to Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shashtri just to sing the praises of IPL on air. How can such a man of impeccable integrity and sound character refuse to pay the monies for the securities and risk assessment knowing he has plenty of enemies out there?

The world has no idea how simple a person Lalit Modi is. Everybody who supported him for his IPL venture has made millions of dollars. Whereas the brain behind the venture has given it all up for his destitute fellow countrymen. Living on Rs 28 abroad is going to be a tough challenge for this 21st century saint. But he is not the one to shy away from the challenges however tough they may be. Keeping all this in mind, it is going to be really interesting to see how he pulls this-living-on-Rs.-28 per day off successfully.

How fickle-minded the cricket fans can be! The latest example is the reaction of fans at the speculation of Rahul Dravid’s impending retirement supposed to take place tomorrow. Until a fortnight ago, following India’s poor performance Down Under there was a talk of dropping seniors from the team and infusing the young blood. No sooner the news of Rahul Dravid’s press-conference tomorrow trickled in than the roumours of him going to announce his retirement began to do the rounds in the cyberspace and some sentimental fans even began to shed tears. Are these crocodile’s tears?

Rahul Dravid has been forming the backbone of the Indian batting line-up ever since his international debut. He is fondly called “The Wall” because he puts a price on his wicket and makes the bowlers toil for his wicket. He came to be known as the most dependable batsman in the world-class Indian batting line-up. He is a true genius whose exploits with the willow are going to be sorely missed when he hangs his boots. Who next after Rahul Dravid? Is Sachin Tendulkar going to take a cue? Is he going to be the next player to announce his retirement? Of late murmurs have begun calling for the maestro’s retirement and with each passing day they are only getting louder. What happens next remains to be seen.

Amidst all this there are many who have not had enough of poor Rahul Gandhi. He has become a butt of ridicule following the poor show at UP polls. Many people want Rahul Gandhi to announce retirement from active politics instead of Rahul Dravid from the international cricket. The irony is not lost on anyone. They both belong to totally different fields. Rahul Dravid has proven himself time and again by winning many games for his country under tight situations. But, unfortunately, he always had to live under Sachin Tendulkar’s shadow. He belongs to the quintessential middle-class family with strict upbringing and special thrust on education and academic achievements. For him, nothing came easily. He worked hard for everything that came his way.

This is the reason why the entire country takes pride in his success story. He always holds a special place in our hearts as the ultimate boy next door who never resorted to controversies to gain publicity and always maintained a low profile. His strong character and his flawless (read technically sound) batting inspired awe and respect even in the members of opposition teams across the world. Therefore, it is only natural when the news of such a highly accomplished living legend’s retirement leaves many a hearts broken. Nobody would mind shedding bucketful of tears at the mere thought of India taking the field without one of her key players.

Moving on to the other Rahul known as Rahul Gandhi, he was born with the silver spoon. From the day one, he is a celebrity,  a son of the ex-prime minister who got assassinated in the worst possible manner when he was barely out of his teens. He also happens to be the son of a mother who declined the post of prime minister after leading her party to a thumping victory in the 2004 general elections much to the dismay of opposition parties. From such a man when he steps into the battlefield expectations are bound to be as high as they can get. For he is someone who belongs to the dynasty with a history of ruling this country for generations.

But Rahul Gandhi is no Rahul Dravid, and politics is no cricket. Indian cricket fans are fickle minded and forgiving. They may hurl stones and burn effigies at the poor show of their idols. Very next day they tend to forget everything and begin to worship the same idols as soon as a convincing victory takes place against any opposition. Unfortunately, one cannot say the same thing about the Indian voters. They may flock to Rahul Gandhi’s election rallies and wait for hours under the sweltering sun to hear him speak. But nobody can influence their decision when it comes to casting their votes. They know what to do and how to do it.

The people of this country may cheer encouragingly when Rahul Baba is taking baby steps expecting him to grow soon and take his own decision instead of surrounding himself with the so-called experts relying heavily on the Gandhi charisma to deliver. But the same people may not hesitate to turn their faces when they realise the baby doesn’t want to grow soon and instead wants to hold her mama’s hand. This is precisely what is happening with Rahul Gandhi. He is neither a wall nor a dependable campaigner. He could never take the fight to the enemy camp to snatch the victory from the jaws of defeat for his party. Instead of carving a niche for himself, he decided to rely on age-old formulas to win the election.

Rahul Dravid never shied away from playing it straight. He rose above the occasion whenever his team demanded although he remained an unsung hero. But the other Rahul is yet to rise above the occasion. Without doing anything significant (except staying overnight in poor farmers’ huts in the presence of media), he has become the toast of this country. Now people have realised the vanity of all his acts and begun to question his credentials as the future prime-minister of India. Does he have any vision for the country he wants to lead? If yes, can he share the same with his countrymen? Whereas Rahul Dravid always had a vision for his team. The vision continued to inspire him right through his long career. One could see the determination to win at any cost in his eyes. Every time he stepped into the field, he gave out his best and made his country proud.

Needless to say it is the other Rahul who must announce his retirement tomorrow and not the Rahul Dravid who always gave tirelessly without asking for anything in return.

 

 

The results of the UP, Goa, Punjab and Manipur Assembly elections are out. Exit polls are proven wrong. Results are unexpected. Those who were supposed to emerge winners have emerged losers and those who were supposed to lose have walked away with all the glory. The voters are the winners because they know who to elect. The democracy is the winner because in a democratic set-up the voters have options to boot out the non-performers via electoral rout. The political parties are the winners because they talked about development instead of divisive politics and that’s the reason why they’ve done so well. Those who tried to polarize voters along the religion or caste lines have received a telling reply from the voters of India.

In a nutshell, everybody is a winner. The analysts are too confused at the moment and therefore, they have decided to confuse those who care to listen to them. As a result, nobody is getting the clear picture. The scenario of gloom and doom is prevalent. How can all the stake holders be the winners? If everybody is the winner (as they would like us to believe), where have the losers gone?

Now when stakes are as high as this, there are bound to emerge heroes and villains. All eyes are on the Generation Next to lead the country. Many young leaders from well-known dynasties were looking to make their mark. Some have succeeded and while others have failed miserably. Again the so-called pundits have heralded the dawn of a new era with the rise of young leaders like Akhilesh Yadav of SP. It is believed that it is he who has led the party to victory, and, the expectations from him to deliver are sky-high.

It remains to be seen how long this initial euphoria lasts. After every election the new governments get formed riding on the popularity wave. Six months into the governance people who have elected them to power realise the more things have changed, the more they have remained the same. The disappoint sets in paving the way for much-talked anti-incumbency factor.

Coming to the villain of this star-studded magnum opus, Rahul Gandhi has become the favourite whipping boy of the entire nation. This has got to do with the manner in which some of the senior Congress leaders chose to defend this poor show even before the results were out. This type of blatant cronyism enraged the people of this country. Attempts are always on to project Rahul Gandhi as the next Prime Minister of this country. He decided to take the bull by its horns by exclusively campaigning in the poll-bound UP state visiting each and every constituency and urging the voters to vote for his party.

When so much of efforts and time have gone into making UP a Congress bastion by unleashing the prince himself, will it not raise eyebrows when the so-called pillars of this grand old party play down the aggressive campaigning undertaken by the future Prime Minister himself? Why are they over-protecting the Prince Charming whose charm is yet to work? Where’s Rahul Gandhi aka Rahul Baba’s much talked about magic? The voters are not fool. They know what UPA-II has been up to. Announcing  sops disguised as various quotas are not enough to gain votes is evident from the voting pattern. One can see the deep wrinkles on Rahul Baba’s forehead who doesn’t seem destined to have it as easy as his late father.

The way forward for the Congress Party and the PM aspirant is not to rely upon the expert advice of Diggi Bhaiya and other oldies who have been shooting from the mouths and coming out with contradictory statements which only leave the party embarrassed. The party is clearly bereft of innovative ideas and seems out of touch with the ground realities. This is perhaps why many feel that the arrogance of Congress did the party in. Local parties put up a far better show at the hustings proves that leaders from Delhi have failed to win the trust of locals. Even the BJP’s loss of Ayodhya seat is a clear indication of the direction in which the wind is blowing. Whether this mandate is going to put an end to communal politics remains to be seen.

The General Elections are not very far. This performance is bound to give sleepless nights to Rahul Baba. His ambition to become the PM has clearly hit the road-block this time around. Will 2014 be any better? Akhilesh Yadav beat him at his own game. The battle ahead appears to be far tougher with Narendra Modi straining at the leash to make a go for the premier post. Is Rahul Baba ready? If not, then he should take some tips from some wise old man who can drill into his head that the surname Gandhi is not enough, the country is in search of a tall leader who can make all the problems disappear with a magic wand. Had surnames been that important, Poor Abhishek Bachchan would have become the undisputed king by now. If only this mandate could deliver the desired massage to the man who has come under so much flak for his party’s no show.

 

When was the last time we had two slappers hogging the limelight all through the day? It doesn’t happen everyday, does it? Mamata Banerjee’s nephew Akash Banerjee and Sharad Pawar’s slapper hogged the limelight right through the day. Poor Sharad Pawar’s slapper has been receiving severe beatings from some unknown men ever since he planted that controversial slap on the equally controversial cheek of Sharad Pawar. His plight is getting highlighted by media because even the police are unwilling to register a case and bring the guilty to book.

The second slapper of the day is  the West Bengal Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee’s nephew Akash Banerjee. Akash Banerjee allegedly slapped a traffic cop who is said to have booked him for some minor offence. Upon learning his close links with Didi the police let him off. But as soon as the mercurial Didi learnt of the incident, she ordered her nephew be arrested again so that the law could take its course. This is really one of the most innovative ways of remaining in the news. The other day a Hindi Film Super Star created ripples across the country by slapping a hapless nobody in a party. Needless to say he got plenty of publicity. Last week, another aspiring Super Star fractured a nose that belonged to a wealthy businessman NRI and earned truckload of free publicity for his upcoming (supposedly) magnum opus that looks like a dud going by the promos on the TV channels.

When these film stars can slap and walk away  leaving their victims red-faced and  nose fractured, how can we expect the politicians or their relatives to remain quiet? Nowadays a slap can get you plenty of free publicity for a day. A slap is a novel way of getting into a controversy.  The moment people receive the news of some poor soul becoming a victim of a slap, they get curious to know why this slap and who slapped whom? The echo of that slap is so loud that it gets heard across all social networks.  It is by the same token that Akash Banerjee became a celebrity for slapping a traffic cop who had shown the guts to book him for some offence. Akash Banerjee is a nice chap. Nobody could believe him for having indulged in such inappropriate behaviour when this news initially broke. People thought it was a case of mistaken identity. But now it is an established fact that he indeed slapped a traffic cop. What could be the reason for this provocation? Why someone as decent as Akash Banerjee could do something as indecent as slapping a traffic cop? There’s certainly more to it than what meets the eye.

Sources close to Akash Banerjee say he has been upset at the way Sharad Pawar’s slapper is being ill-treated by some unknown men. He has been upset at the entire police force that has not offered any security guards to Sharad Pawar’s slapper. When a person slaps a VIP, he too becomes a VIP. This is why he has every right to get the VIP treatment. Since the police and the public have failed to recognise Sharad Pawar’s slapper as a VIP, Akash Banerjee has taken this drastic step to express his solidarity with Sharad Pawar’s slapper. Now he knows what it feels like to be a slapper. It is a crowning glory that doesn’t come easily. It is a revolutionary step which is bound to set a new trend in the contemporary India – a trend of giving due respect to the slappers and shoe-throwers.

Long live Akash Banerjee!


Wow....!!! This Much Love.....!!!!

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